closed.

until further notice.

until i can have the energy to do self-censorship of my thoughts and publish what can be published.

right now, i just want to shoot whatever i want to shoot without any repercussions.

i hate this fake, meaningless ramble that has plagued my blog these few days.

goodbye.

edited to add

so i DO sound fake doing such stupid stuff.. and i noe i ain't some mega star.

whatever. get lost.

i'm sorry people...

what is happening to my spiritual life?

i need to make a decision. a resolution to change this crap of a life that i'm wallowing in now, that might seem to be perfectly fine on the outside but cracking from within.

things have to change... i think something @ church gave me a good reminder today..

"Seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well."

--Matthew 6:33

where's the testimony i'm supposed to show at my work place and with my friends? what's my on top of my priority list now?! what have i honestly been doing this past few weeks, years and months?!

i dunno, have i been really just merely living life away without considering anything beyond?

confused. seriously confused.

fireworks best seen @ supreme court rooftop!

i'm honestly pretty glad that i'm actually involved in something as big as ndp this time round.. cos yay! i got to see fireworks straight up!! =)

it's darn kewl.. some well prepared guys brought their cameras along to take down this spectacular display of colours, so maybe i'll have photos soon... the nicest one i think is one firwork that bursts into a red star encircled by a blue circle.. it's really really beautiful...

saw the whole parade, including the unfortunate slips by the participants (i think one small boy holding a fish fell down and the pole holding the fish snapped into two, but he gamely carried on), then seeing very funny mis-takes by the PA people (one person went through 2 colour changes of yellow and pink to finally get to the colour of blue), and also the grand finale of fireworks...

and mind you, even though it's only 50%, it's very nice!=) especially atop the rooftop of supreme court, where the view is once in a lifetime and well... unique!~

ok.. i'm rambling liao.. overall today was ok.. besides one major screw up, but well... it's fine with me lah. =)

frank

victim of the week

singaporeans are SO interesting...

it seems like they are so sian of their normal lives and yearn for some euro or americana scandal or affair that when some small matter of that of the NKF affair, the whole Singapore gets into a frenzy, with tabloids bursting with news of masses cancelling their subscriptions to NKF and blasting Mr. Durai with all sorts of scathing remarks..

talk about overeacting.

i mean, for one, SPF probably did a fair bit of "demonizing" of Mr Durai, because of the soreness of kena sued. I mean? LOOK at the photos of him lah, wah liao, even a person on the worst hair day wouldn't look so severe and downright snarkish...

and then... i dunno, i have a feeling a large group of those who cancelled their subscription jumped at the chance to feel indignant and get to save money at the same time.. it's like a perfect, glittering excuse to do something out of "righteous indignance"

so honestly, even though I was darn tempted to join the queue to blast Mr Durai and his done-to-death gold taps, I guess, no point lah...

the person who honestly should quit along with the whole board is Mr Cao Qi Tai.. why can't he just shut up sometimes? Honestly, i think if he tripped and fell across the stage, people might be more willing to donate... cos his pugnacious, repulsive face and his irritating chatter that keeps interupting other artistes is so darn irksome...

and honestly, other artistes sweat, get burnt, singed, fall down, break bone here and there like some circus animal, and then try to talk but kena interrupted by this irritating wasp of a compere who immediately adopts the pleading dead-dog approach and begs for more calls... GOSH... get off our screens already!

hmmm.. im tired.. life's getting a lil' monotonous with me having to prepare POs week after week and then fire fight on the day itself... oh well.. resigned to fate.. not that bad afterall, and if i get bored, can talk to my men and understand them better... =)

hopefully it'll all work out well and I'll get a whole new set of friends and trusted people to work with me, and work for me.. =)

frank

jewel is not auntie

i'll say it once only.. Jewel in the Kitchen ain't an auntie show... and it's a kickass good show with an intricate plot, cute gals, wicked villians, and a nice nice ending as usual. and SURPRISE! it doesn't even have as much crying scenes as most Korean Shows would have had.. (yeah.. I positively loathed Autumn and wadever Winter Sonata crap with their innumerable irritating scenes of girls and guys weeping and weeping like they suddenly heard they kena Stage 4 cancer like that)

the only drawback is that the show is really darn slooow and long... 19 CDs of dunno how many hours that you have to plough through just to watch the good triumph... so the solution? watch at x2 speed... where the people speak in a slightly more stilted fashion and chop food with Martin Yan's grace and speed, and move around like normal Singaporean office-workers at City Hall.. =)

so i really recommend the show... those who still think it's an auntie show just cos it talks mainly about preparing food and palace intrigues, then well.. ok lor.. go back to your brainless Initial D crap lor..

oh well,

frank

war of the worlds

10 things i didn't like

1. No girls to look at. and Dakota Fanning looked too freaky with her green eyes

2. completely waste of a good actress Miranda Otto

3. i never knew when cars all stopped along the highway, a free path would miraculously appear in the middle of the highway, allowing Tom Cruise's car to just speed along the highway with ridiculous ease

4. the plane crash wiped out everything. except. the. car.

5. i never knew people possesed enough strength to swim such a vast expanse of water. ESPECIALLY people carrying a weak girl and having just been knocked into the waters by a car.

6. i don't get the whole young boy's angst. irritating shit.

7. WHY in the world would aliens be SO interested in an underground hut in the middle of nowhere that they would send their "eye" to look at the place twice, and then lead an expedition to explore photos there?!? why not the city?!?

8. I thought Tom Cruise said all vehicles were spoilt? So what happened to the CBS Lorry?

9. HOW in the world does Tom Cruise manage to wring the grenade ring out of 3 grenades, and throw them suitably far with merely ONE hand? and then still manage to hold on to all three grenade rings nicely!?

10. the boy shouldn't have returned.

oh well.. all in all, just watch for the slight terror and media-fun of it and it's fine lah... just don't think too hard. =)

frank

reds and whites

phew... i'm tired.. but i'm glad 1st NE went pretty well in terms of rations and I've realized something... i'm actually pretty impressed by this year's NDP and really enjoyed viewing the parade and show through the colonnial domes and pillars of city hall and supreme court.

i'm actually getting pretty patriotic! haha!~

i dunno. maybe's it's when u are truly a part of it and u are truly contributing to something that u really start to appreciate when things go as planned and the show is really put together, and even how beautiful the stands have been constructed. think i din give two shits about the grand stand 4 years ago.. =)

i've also realised how beautiful singapore is... with the strobe lights beaming across the area, coupled with glimpses of the stands packed with tons of people flashing their light sticks against the backdrop of the sparkling "durian" of Esplanade... it's really quite magical. and the unique patchwork of olden architecture of domes, spires and grey columns coupled with the beautifully lit Swissotel Stamford rising into the sky really makes for a nice scene as well...

i think i'm really missing out on somethings in Singapore... the whole day i say boring.. but maybe it's really cos i haven't been walking around town with that gleaming eye I adopt when I go overseas... sigh..

and i'm quite enjoying myself on saturdays already.. haha.. like getting into groove.. so far nothing really fazes me liao, so i just sit at my CP @ stadium and wait for problems to crop up and gamely take them on.. other times i just go pester Shi Jian and talk cock a bit...

then when it's time for rations to be delivered, I think really, what makes me feel very glad is when you see the satisfaction of the people eating the food you have delivered, beaming at the ice cream they have been given and just chatting happily whilst having their food. no word of thanks needs to be said, no acknowledgements of my work needs to be done... the mere sight of things is good enough.

i guess... i'm glad to be part of this... and yeah.. hopefully this will be a resounding success... people who shrug and think "yet another NDP" should really start considering the amount of work done behind the scenes...

frank

we are the champions?

attended the ACF today, thou it felt more like some Queen concert cum spiritual-leader rallying speech.

1. people tried making "We Are the Champions" the theme song for ACF

2. the streamers, baubles, clapping sticks and light sticks and the wave (HONESTLY i dun get the wave... why is it that every time there's a big crowd gathered, there will always be one idiot that initiates the wave and everyone just follows like idiots? can we seriously do something else?)

3. the various performances put up by the band, provost and MDC was like some contemporary variety show sequence, including provost doing their twirling skills in the beat to "Can't take my eyes off of you" and the MDC doing their most-male semblanced performance to date. hehe...

honestly, if u ask me, i dun get it.

i dun get this whole change thing.

to me, all i'd rather do one month after commissioning was to lead a group of men to chiong-sua and feel the adrenaline rush when confronted with different scenarios and so on...

and now, all I wanna do is stuff that would occupy my time before my ORD.

kinda sad and off-topic liao huh?

wadeva.

frank

worried.

can someone tell me the correct way of being a leader? or being a good QM?

cos honestly, sometimes I feel like i'm honestly doing a terrible job being the "commander" part... as in, I don't think i really have much command and control over them...

take this scenario... i'm rushing NDP work like mad, and then i'll just arrow any person in the office to help me run some errands, like collect faxes, go 3 Div and send stuff and so on so forth...

then i start realising that the lazier people will simply skulk at the COS rest room or mess or so on and just avoid all forms of arrows. effectively meaning i see them only for mid day parade and last parade.. -_-

it isn't fair but what to do? do i have the energy to go chasing for some missing personnel and ask them to do work?

then the other problem is that... i'm getting nowhere into getting into the groove with my actual job scope... it's been more than half a year in... and my ICS2 skills suck, I still can't really differentiate a 1222 and 1206 and so on.. and really, most of the stuff is my RQ mention to me and I go about seeing how it is done...

plus now is NDP prep time.. so most of my time is expended on that... and other stuff gets neglected pretty terribly... all the interviews, rectifications and so on haven't been done yet...

it's like a time bomb waiting to explode...

sigh.

so really, anyone has any good insights on being a good QM?

frank

trial and error

yay! today was much more smooth, though it still doesn't warrant a pat on the back on my standards lah... but at least majority of the stuff went without a hitch, I wasn't harrased too badly thanks to the comms we set up amongst my runner and s4's runner, and we ended pwetty early!

but hey.. till things don't actually come late and we can de-conflict all the timings between mobile column, float and so on, then can liao lor...

hmm. which means i need another round of calling people and so on.. =(.. i mean, i dun mind calling people that I've already established quite a good relationship with through this project and I dun mind calling pple like my frens from other units and implore them to help, but to ask me to call S2s of Bn and MAJs IS a little tough.

but well.. try using my 2LT-LTA network first lor.. at least made good frens with really nice people like Shi Jian, Lawrence, Matthew and so on... and can use my fren-network to try to get the rest done.. haha..

which honestly, logistics really boils down to networking, and getting to know as many people as possible and trying to help them... I'm learning.. haha!

i really honestly wonder sometimes why God put me in this position, and that why He wants to learn certain things... Everyone gets a chance to do different things, and I'm glad I get to do something that is challenging and which I can sieve as much knowledge and experience from...

so.. hopefully as the practices go by, the plans get more and more consolidated and NDP rations portion will be a success!

then it'll be back to tackle the various QM related problems.. =(

but hey.. maybe I can call my fellow QMs like Shi Jian to impart me the knowledge? haha..

ok lah.. u help me i help u lor... i'll try to find the cartons as well as the TRS sets to lend you lah...

frank

the butterfly effect

i really liked that show. watched it yesterday on vcd thanks to my off.

it's very though provoking and nicely done (thou could have been more deeply developed to become a true psychological thriller)

the premise and plot is good.. but i felt the ending was very.. sad...

and it really set me thinking.. if i had such a chance.. where would i go back and change the precise moment in my life?

seconday school during the CCA day where I should have chosen something like badminton and tennis and clung on desperately for it?

primary school where I should have ditched mugging during recess time and go play some sports? or dared to speak up during track and field and ask for a second chance?

or is it the choice of JC? should i have done what i did not do, and break away from my notoriety in secondary school and start afresh somewhere else?

but what would have been the repercussions? i would never know...

another show that set me off thinking was the recent charmed episode "styx feet under", where Piper literally became the Angel of Death herself, and had to claim the lives of the people according to her "list"

thou the acting and plot was terrible, but the premise was yet again, very thought-provoking..

imagine a person having to face the mutlitudes of death of others and having to repeatedly do such things..

and then imagine having to claim your own relatives' lives?

your enemy's life?

hmm... think it could become a new blockbuster... i should start writing a script... =)

frank

obsessive possesive

looks like my sabbatical wasn't as planned.

neither does my schedule look good.

what kind of "off" is it, when you keep getting pelting by calls and sms-es left right center, and the work you have for the next day keeps mounting up?

what kind of "off" is it, when the outings you plan inevitably get screwed because people don't give two shits about you and just come as late as they please? and are just so fricking unwilling to plan an outing?

i know i'm hurting people by saying this, and I know I'm honestly not very reasonable. I dunno. I'm probably the most obesessive-posessive person i've seen.. and i need to change.

i need a sabbatical from my comptuer and the endless nudges.

frank