the lau ah-pek story

~* WARNING: gossip fest ahead...

ok.. here's a story of what transpired at church today.. and well.. disclaimer first, this is not meant to insult anyone in particular.. (unless of course you are that lau ah-pek, then you should be DARN ashamed of yourself), and well, the story does not represent the general feeling of the church, it is the author's own feelings.. (and DARN do i feel so)

okez.. so basically today, my sister's cell group did a short presentation about her cell group lah.. and then they came together and presented a hymn lah...(in which my sis' boyfren acted like a block of wood and ONLY opened his mouth a fraction at the most DUH part of the song..hehe... forget lyrics sia)

and well.. so my sis' bf's sister (who is pretty cute) gets up to take photos for them... and well.. while she does so, she unwittingly gets ZOOMED IN upon by this lau ah-pek sitting a few rows behind her, whom probably at this time is drooling at the site of so many young-ish girls singing as well as this girl who goes up to take pictures... so he hatches a devious plan... HEHE

rite after service, this wolfish ah-pek swiftly launches his attack rite on hapless bf's sister and says..

"HelLo MiSs, wHAt's YoUr SurNamE**? I aM Mr. sO and SO anD ArE yOu In ThE CelLGroUp aS WeLL? Can I JoiN?"*

*hmmm.. on second thoughts, THAT sounds like royston on his blog..whom incidently is a TERRIBLE PERSON FOR BETRAYING ME...

**and well if it sounds wierd, it's cos it's translated from chinese

so, caught off her guard, this hapless bf's sis musters a "Err.. Why not u ask the group leader", whilst jabbering at my sister's direction, before hastily retreating to safety...

which of course, brings the problem to my sis -_-, as the lasvicious lau ah-pek's eyes glint as he sees my sis (not knowing she's attached)..

**********

so whilst the whole bunch of us, youthful, riotous and all, proceed happily to the kopi-tiam to have our normal breakfast, he swiftly launches his second attack, this time onto my sis... asking her,

"HEy MisS, I'm InTerEsTed in JoinINg Your CelL GrouP.. Can WE tALk abOut The DetaIls throUgh BreakFast?"

wah.. this man is darn cheap sia, first strike and he already attempts to get a breakfast date liao.. and without even confirming if the girl is attached.. bu yao lian!

so my sis eyes this man and feels decidedly uncomfortable at his attempt to foist his company onto her and wonders what the heck this man is thinking of by trying to joining her cell group..

i mean... OPEN YOUR EYES MR... can't you see from the photos as well as the people who came up to sing, that their mean age is like 26+?

and that the group is specifically for "young adults who have worked for not too long only"?

i mean i dun even need to look close at his face to see whether there are wrinkles or whatever, cos his hair is like grey with streaks of white here and there, and his ah-pek clothes just scream 40+.... (LOOK, i'm NOT being ageist)

and yet, he attempts to act youthful and continues to force his company onto my sis. Well, since she honestly does not know too much about him yet and since we as Christians are supposed to welcome anyone who has an interest in Christianity, she courteously invites him to our breakfast table to talk a little more...

he OF COURSE jumps at the invitation and proceeds jovially to our table, and honestly acts like he's completely at home with us all around him and puts up this swaggering, confident poise (i suppose in attempt to impress the girls) whilst dragging chairs to the table and ordering drinks.. He feels he's like "IN DA CROWD" and has known us for many years... (not realizing his white hair gives him away from a mile)

the girls on our table promptly lose their appetites, and my sis gets desperate. Then she spies on a hapless guy from her cell group (let's call him WH).. AND pleads him to sit with this lau ah-pek and separate the wolf from the girls...

SO this TRULY SCAPEGOATED WH.. (whom honestly should win a medal of commendation) gamely accepts his fate and goes to talk to this guy, whilst another of the girls from our table is called off to talk to one of the seniors of the church...

apparently, this senior tells her that this ah-pek has been flitting around cell groups in attempt to find a girl-friend to ensnare himself onto.. so.. beware..

this promptly turns all the girls off him, wiping away any vestige of goodwill and courteousness that they had for him initially...

and this lau ah-pek really knows no shame, and when he is going to pay for the drink he ordered and spies on another girl reaching for her wallet to pay for her own, he asks sweetly,

"U paYing fOr me iSsit?"
.
.
-_- x 200000....

so really, breakfast was pretty much ruined and the girls promptly parried off his repeated attacks, by sandwiching him between guys after that... hmm.. so much for church...

******

SO... honestly, if after reading this, u feeling darn indignant and am wondering what kind of christians we are, so darn unfriendly and gossipy, then THINK AGAIN..

1. I'm indignant at the fact that this guy has the wrong motives in trying to join cell group. HELLO? If you need a dating agency, I'm sure Hao Meili has many good recommendations, but cell group is NOT dating agency. To make use of a Christian's niceness and welcomeness to try to get close to girls is TRULY despicable TO THE MAX.

2. This guy honestly doesn't know his age... either that or he doesn't GET IT. WHAT THE HECK do you think your chances are if you are a 40 year old person who just crashes into a 20+ yr old breakfast group and just blatantly forces your company onto us?

ZILCH.

Even in a normal social context, this would be downright ODD... so really, what WERE you thinking?

3. It's not like at first we already darn hostile or what but well, after hearing the various accounts and stories, and piecing the pieces together, so sorrta catch on onto his plan, and well.. it disgusts you.

4. If you think I'm a downright gossipy and terrible person, then well, I apologize.. but really.. if u DID laugh, then dun act so righteous lah... i remove names liao, and dun think the ah-pek would read, so well... no harm done k? And i'll take all the insults if u think I'm too gossipy or whatever...


so there...
frAnK