reacting over nothing

"sometimes i don't understand the obsession with having an agenda when going out...i mean...why cannot just go out and have lunch and talk cock and walk around? why always must plan something to do?"

the vain pursuit of lean/fit figures is, as i have found out, for those with the luxury of time...go do it during office hours lah since u're so free."

who the heck said I was free?

so just because I have time to think about friends and so on I'm free?

and do you honestly think I chose my life the way it is? That I wanted it to be as non-combat and as non-command as it is? Try sitting at the office all day round doing paper work and getting arrowed to do silly meetings and signing paper, preparing documents for this and that and try to eke out time to hit the gym or go running.

if you're really so desperate to go out with me, fine.we can go for coffee at starbucks...or we can have lunch somewhere. just don bring a whole group of friends and expect to me go lanning with you after that, when you knoe that everyone in the group except me would love to go lanning with you. you're just excluding me. in fact i think u've taken me away from one of the closest groups of friends i've ever had because of that. every time i go out with you now, i'm just crossing my fingers you won't go lanning afterward or suggest something equally inconsiderate.

i've taken away your closest friends?

wow.. that really hurt. considering all i tried to do during this period was to suggest something not related to lan to do. like how i tried to get you to come and celebrate alvin's birthday with us. like how I tried to organize some badminton session so that maybe you'd interested. like how i'm now trying to persuade you to go cycling. like how I always ask why so-and-so didn't invite you.

what the hell did I do that for? to isolate you from your closest friends!?

i'm sorry.. i didn't know in addition to tennis and lan, u weren't interested in cycling and badminton and celebrating a friend's birthday as well.

and just because I choose activities that you don't seem to be interested in, I'm ruining your friendships with others.

ok maybe i'm a spoilsport. i don't play tennis. i don't go lanning. i don't wach american idol. or survivor. or the amazing race or the OC or whatever stupid show you have time to watch. i don't like doing most of the things that you like doing. i was friends with you once. but that was when we had common interests...i'm beginning to feel we don't anymore.

you know what's most interesting here? we NEVER had common interests. The ONCE that you thought we had was the time I tried to change my own interests to suit yours so we could have more grounds to talk about. It was ME trying to bridge the gap.

like the pop music and those stupid pop-trivia that you used to throw at me. then when I caught on you shifted to classical music, treating pop music with disdain, as though I soiled it.

like all the irritating choir stuff and so on.

but after awhile, it was apparent that I was losing myself in the process. because the other party REFUSED at ALL COSTS to even attempt to bridge the gap or attempt to find some common ground.

and it's happening again. ALL my actions, were proactive actions trying to get you back into your so called "closest friends", whom you apparently now think have been poisoned by me into being addicted to lan.

you always talk about salvaging our friendship...that's every time we're really down and you don't have other friends i suppose. if u really were serious, then you would have realised by now the mistakes you've been making...i think i've tried hard enough, with my stressful enough work commitments...but you...well i don't think you really care.

so i made all the mistakes. yes.

and i don't really care. thanks.

and i only attempt to salvage relationships when I'm down and I have no one to turn to except the person i insulted.

wadeva.

so... heck monday man. just fricking heck it. apparently all my efforts are viewed as more emotional blackmail on my part, more demands on an already strained friendship. I'm not going to be bothered about this anymore.

and isn't it funny? the comment that sparked it all wasn't even about you. yet it revealed all the hidden grudges you had since the last furore.

I am honestly exasperated. you wanted to know how it all ended? it ends like that.

I'm not going to be bothered or what anymore.

frank