mid NS fatigue syndrome

may i honestly start finding more meaning to my life...

sometimes i wonder whether we all live in the "wanting-to-go-back-to-the-past" mode, where we keep reflecting about the past and realise how good it was and how we never treasured it....

or maybe it's just me and my not-liking-change ways...

and well, maybe once I've really fitted into my job and got to know the people well enough, things WILL be better, as it has been.. but how long? How long before that get to be able to start a routine and do things well and with aim? How long (if ever) will I be able to motivate my men and be able to inspire each of them...

maybe these are too lofty ideals... right now it is more of not letting them climb over my head with their constant barrage of off-passes and so on, and trying to get into the groove and understand what is happening...

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beneath the verneer of happiness and self-confidence built up by stuff like wiining in dota, lies a very insecure and worried man...

1. i'm getting fat again, and I can't stop gorging on food at times... =(.. MUST really get into a routine and work it out...

2. i desperately want to succeed in my job, (ala the choleric nature of me) but it is a tough path to walk...

3. i want to get to know more people in 3 sig (as in really good fren type who will come along to go for nights-off and come to your bunk to play games or chat about interesting stuff and so on), but the choosing pool is really really SMALL... and honestly, I don't know where half of the new officers are at times... like they are honestly so busy and so preoccupied with their lives, that well, I stand by the side and watch...and rot away.., this is precisely the reason why i keep wanting to stay-out... cos at least at home i face my computer and blog and have my own comfortable personal space with stuff that can occupy my mind... but that means I hae to trouble my parents, taxing them tremendously by having them to fetch me back to camp every morning... (plus they are going overseas to see my sis in Japan from next week onwards... how?!?)

4. weekends have denigrated to the mindless playing of lan with different sets of frens and so on... what the heck am i doing with my life? and yeah, there's an irritating CO parade tomorrow that I have to go for tmr (supposedly marching but noe nuts about it cos i took off on the rehearsal day to take BTT) and yeah, I have to wake up very early to get there

I think I have the mid-NS fatigue syndrome...

ok whatever.. think I'm going to take charge of the situation of work on it... shall sleep now in prep for tommorow's waking up early (poor parents) but before that, cuddle in my bed and have a lil' bit of quiet time and reflection time...and maybe work out a good exercise schedule =)

frAnk

(btw. realise i dun really complain about friends drifting apart anymore? well, i've accepted it liao, once people seperate and go to different places, their position on your priority list will ultimately have to drop and vice versa, because its tough to meet up... and when that happens, you drift apart, replacing them with other people and other interests... this is but just a fact of life that I have learnt to accept...)