blogging dilemna

I feel like Harriet in Harriet the Spy when her spy book got found out... but worse.. I feel wretched... I feel vile that I am now somewhat like a person who burns bridges when he no longer views them as useful, a person who discards friends when they are no longer viable...

but i am NOT such a person!

honestly... i never realised mere words from a blog could hurt so deep... and I feel very remorseful... sigh... and honestly, most of it has been misunderstood

i never meant that my past was so horrid that I would want to change it, never meant that the friendships i made in the past were destructive... it was just a wistful thinking, a "yearning towards the greener grass @ the other side" sort of feeling"...

in fact, no one will ever know what would have happened to me had I managed to change the past...(ala Butterfly Effect) so I'm seriously sorry that have made u "devastated" over reading that.. in fact, reading that statement made me lose my appetite straight away...

and honestly, I had hoped you would take the other entry with a pinch of salt, not knowing that it had hit the core... honestly, that was my insensitivity and my honest wicked tongue... perhaps I also misunderstood you in the way you acted.. but I'm truly sorry...


I don't want to lose a friend over two blog entries.


and honestly, I dunno whether I should continue writing anymore.. I LOVE writing, love reading about my own past and reminiscing, because these memories are all so precious to me... this is the place where I can exude my creative talent (albeit little) and just yak about anything in the world...

but never realising writing too carelessly would lead to this..

or that.. people I don't really want reading my blog are reading it... yeah.. I found out my QM platoon people know about my blog despite my valiant attempts at blocking it off...

all these limits make writing either very constrained or fake... which is what I don't want it to be...

yet.. being real hurts people.

i'm honestly confused. But truly very sorry for the hurt feelings I have caused...

fraNk