I'm confused, troubled.. yet relieved

God really DOES answer prayers.. and with my repeated "miracles" of ATP, BTP, SOC and SEOC... but sometimes i feel that i'm a little really.. lacking in faith.. sigh..

So S*** really did arrive back with a BANG.. and his "homecoming" present?? -- a customized personalized tekan session.. (rolls eyes)... LIKE i didn't expect him to do so... i mean... when such a prideful person comes back and sees things that seems to have drifted from his ideal.. of course he will get pissed.. but boy.. he got pissed over REALLY stupid things... which yet again proves the fact WHY he still is a ssg.. DESERVES it.. big deal about all your bloody badges.. it doens't matter cos your personality and your mental prowess cannot make it..I mean complaining about us not eating together and "if one eats all must eat", then claiming we don't neck-sling and it is a bloody infringement on discipline... PEOPLE!?!... i mean.. first it ain't practical and it is like stabbing myself in the back just cos "a man needs to feel pain to be a real man".. YAH RITE..that's just HOW stupid he can get...

just dun understand why instructors let him carry on his cock act the whole time w/o saying a word... i guess it is to show that they're not as stupid.. which in actual fact they ARE at times... OH WELL...

perhaps it is my abyssmal results during ATP for the 1st 2 days and the cock-ups that made me get into this perennial bad mood and frustration.. i mean.. its not nice shoot over and over again, getting 0s and just hoping to pass whilst others are aiming for marksman.. and it got so bad that i couldn't even think of enough reasons and excuses to explain for this shitty scores. SIGH... shared with Joshie and Bay... think they felt i was slightly off my rocker liao.. but oh well..

but thank God,.. he really answered my prayer and i passed eventually... and not only that lah.. i guess it gave me back alot of confidence that really i dun suck THAT bad.. and with God everything IS possible.. I was bitching that "why can't i get be mediocre in some things instead of being ABYSSMALLY SUCKY at some stuff!?!".. but well i guess the reason i was so shitty was cos my morale was really severely affected liao.. and with that re-zeroing and LAD problems... it just got my confidence down to new lows lah..

WHATEVER it is.. i'm glad things are over and i escaped relatively unscathed... PHEW... now ust to tuck this in one corner of my head, and remember this FIFTH miracle... =)

But well.. life as it is.. never stops dishing out new shit (i'm getting so vulgar.. sigh.. attribute it to weiyang).. and i'm REALLY worried about the comms mag.. cos really.. nothing seems to BE GOING RIGHT... first mr bay choon sing lands himself a cwsm role.. and i'm really helpless and grinded to a halt.. then.. i'm like darn inexperienced.. so i dunno how the whole thing gets puts up.. so its really my fault as well... MAJORITY... and i'm really really worried... sheesh... God... please help me through this..

a few more days to Brunei... 2 more days of ####

sigNing Off

FraNK